Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: A Terry Crews Rendition
Scene 1: Snow White’s Introduction
Snow White (Terry Crews) is introduced as a charismatic and strong character, loved by all animals in the forest. He’s strong but gentle, charming, and not afraid to show his emotional side. He sings to the animals with a deep, booming voice, a hilarious contrast to the original character’s high-pitched singing.
Snow White: (singing in deep voice) “I’m wishing, (I’m wishing) for the one I love, to find me, (to find me) today…”
Scene 2: Meeting the Huntsman
The Queen orders the Huntsman to bring back Snow White’s heart. However, the Huntsman cannot bring himself to harm Snow White, who’s flexing his muscles and humming a cheerful tune.
Huntsman: “I… I can’t do it. Forgive me, Snow White.”
Snow White: (flexing) “No worries, man. Everyone has a hard time dealing with these guns.”
Scene 3: Discovering the Cottage
Upon discovering the dwarfs’ cottage, Snow White starts cleaning. However, instead of the delicate tidying of the original, Terry Crews’ Snow White lifts heavy furniture single-handedly and dusts with a peacock feather duster, all while maintaining a contagious cheerfulness.
Snow White: “Well, this place needs a little muscle love. Let’s get to it!”
Scene 4: Meeting the Dwarfs
Snow White wins over the dwarfs with his charm and kindness. His interactions with the dwarfs are playful and endearing, unlike the traditional motherly role of the original Snow White.
Snow White: “You guys could use some protein in your diet. What do you say, tomorrow we start the day with a proper workout and a protein shake?”
Scene 5: The Poison Apple
When the Queen, disguised as an old woman, offers Snow White the poisoned apple, Snow White is hesitant but doesn’t want to be rude. He takes a bite and collapses in a dramatic, comedic fashion.
Snow White: “An apple a day keeps the doctor away, right? But just to be sure… (flexes arm)…proteins are better.”
Scene 6: The Prince’s Kiss
When the Prince arrives to awaken Snow White, he’s taken aback by Snow White’s size. However, he’s determined to break the spell. The moment is played for laughs, with the Prince struggling to lean over Snow White.
Prince: “I… I’ve come to break the spell…”
Snow White (waking up): “Did I hit the snooze button again?”
I fucking love you, and you are the reason why I love the internet and trust humanity somewhat. This is absolute internet GOLD!
I’m only watching if it’s 100% serious. Terry acts as he acts and the entire rest of the movie is as written in the script. Full commit, no comedic rewriting. It’s just Terry playing Snow White.
That would be the dopest snow white ever
For real. I’d actually go back to theaters for it
I’d pay 3 times the amount of a regular ticket to watch the scene where Terry Crews, in a gorgeous ball gown, is dancing with Prince Charming, and when realizing it’s almost midnight, flexes his pecs, and yells goodbye before disappearing into the night.
Prince Charming then goes around trying to find the perfect pec flex. Alternatively, bicep circumference would also be acceptable as a glass slipper alternative.
How about this: Prince Charming tries to kiss the sleeping Snow White, but she wakes up and beats the hell out of him then lectures him on consent.
I’d watch that. But there should be a really good musical number called “Everything is rape without consent” or something… It probably wouldn’t be appropriate for the target audience, but yes I agree with the point you’re making: Snow White & Cinderella are way fucked.
Wrong movie plot, but I would seriously watch the fuck out of this.
Edit: Get Andy Samberg as the prince and I will fight outside the theatre in a ball gown.
I’m not sure that threatening to fight Andy Samberg is the best way to sign him into a movie. Then again, I don’t know the guy…
He might be interested in checking it out. It would be the nicest gown ever worn in a wrestling match outside a theatre.
You’re thinking Cinderella, not Snow White.
shhh, he’s on a roll man
Wait which ones Snow White?
The one with the seven dwarves. Which opens up a lot of interesting casting choices.
Then we cast Terry Crews for the other one too.
For Snow White, we need Danny Devito, Warwick Davis, Bridget Powers, Daniel Radcliffe, Elijah Wood, Gary Oldman, and Nicolas Cage for the roles of the dwarves. For the Wicked Queen, Andy Samberg, and the mirror is Margot Robbie using the Harley Quinn voice. If Margot is unavailable, we have Tom Cruise as Les Grossman as the mirror.
Elijah really needs to start leaning into how fucking weird he has allowed himself to become since LotR. And I know he has a little, but clearly it’s not enough.
Just cast Terry Crews as all of them, Eddie Murphy style
White Chicks II: Bro White
I haven’t seen a single Live Action demake but this would be my first for sure
demake
Someone give this guy some gold… wait where are we… I applaud your genius.
🏅
OP memes, but this unironically would slap.
“mirror, mirror, on the wall, who has the juiciest pecs of them all?”
I’ve always thought this would be a great idea. Play everything 100% straight but the actors are completely miscast. Give me Terry Crews as Snow White and I’ll actually go see a movie for the first time in like 10 years
I’d totally see it if it was 100% serious, except it’s Terry as Snow White.
And just like regular democracy, the owners will show up last second to put their finger on the scale 😞
6% of people take the internet way to seriously
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you need a Snickers
What?
I’m only watching if he wins.
Classic movie remade starring Terry Crews should be an entire genre.
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Dengist snow white when
Battleship Potemkin mashup called Snow White Terror
based terry
Man. I don’t watch much movies but I’d watch this 10 times in row. If it’s a comedy or better…a serious comedy. The acting is serious but everything else isn’t.
I would legit line up at the cinema for this. And I don’t like going to the cinema.
One answer only this this thread!
chef’s kiss
People would absolutely watch this, you just shouldn’t over-expose them to Terry Crews like they did with Dwayne Johnson.
I wonder how the evil queen would dupe Terry Fucking Crews into eating a poisoned apple. I can only imagine her failing a number of times thanks to his dancing pecs
Terry loves apples!
Now I’m suddenly imagining it as a LazyTown crossover.
How would Terry Fucking Crews wake up to some dude kissing his passed out body?
depends how pretty he is i guess
