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For those who think I can enjoy my PC and life. I code, design electronic devices, play with ai. But because of depression, nothing makes me happy. Only when I overdose drugs it is better. Life bbecomes more enjoable. However I can’t overdose drugs every day. Sometimes I go outside, walk along a river, but it doesn’t help. I still want to die.
I am the OP
I got out of a six year long depression 5 years ago. I went to the doctor stating I needed help, desperately. I had quite a few therapy sessions, and it wasn’t very fun, but I focused on what approach seemed to have effect on my mental state and used that to break free. Totally worth it.
I don’t know where it’s from, but: “If you’re going through hell, keep walking.”
You got this.
If you’re going through hell, keep walking.
This is what I will do. But if it doesn’t get better then in a few years I will kill myself.
I hope things work out for you friend. Best of luck.
Thanks you! ⊂(・﹏・⊂)
My brother recommended Lions Mane, a mushroom supplement, so maybe try that. I think he is depressed about his life circumstances though, so I don’t know how it compares to those who may have their brain chemicals just messed up genetically.
I think our culture is not set up well to support human brains. We like to solve problems and slowly improve our lives. But our culture is really designed to just be a daily grind of either extensive education as a child or extensive work as an adult. In the end, your life stays materially the same. I think that messes a lot of us up.
I think exercise helps people not just for the endorphin release (I’ve never had that), but for the project you give yourself. You finally feel like there is some area you can control and improve, giving a little taste of what society is keeping from us (the power to improve our lives). It’s at least nice to track improvement in something.
Life can be a beautiful thing. If it comes to thinking of killing yourself for real, definitely seek help in whatever way you can. If even that fails, do a drastic life change first. Hiking a long distance trail (equipment can be expensive, but it’s cheap after that) was a dream for me when I was suffering the most. I even bought all the equipment and read all the books I could and started doing twice yearly backpacking trips to prepare. It helped. I finally felt like I had an out that wasn’t suicide. Maybe you can find a niche that helps you.
Told myself the same back in the day. Never got to that point, luckily.
Maybe you should look into microdosing psilocybin. Overdosing on drugs (whatever that means to you) is probably not healthy and will only exacerbate your depression.
Best gaming rig I ever had is unironicly my SteamDeck
Oh I wish I had steamdeck. Handheld pc seems revolutionary. But unfortunately I don’t have money anymore. I spent it all on drugs and psychiatrist. I also don’t have a job. I don’t even want to play. Maybe steamdevk would change that?
If you don’t feel like playing games, don’t worry about it. There are plenty of other things to do.
It’s possible it could, I’ve heard a lot of people say that they are more interested sense they are no longer strapped to a single location (typically a desk) to play computer games, I couldn’t say for sure one way or another
That being said that would be something you would probably have to figure out for yourself if it would be good for you or not, and it sounds like you have other things to work through
I wish you luck in your journey
Is it that you don’t want to play, or you want to but don’t typically have the energy or feel weirdly apathetic? If it’s the latter, I can emphasize.
My friend still brags to me about buying the newest top tier Ti graphics card every other year and his water cooling setup, while also saying he can’t afford to move out of his parent’s house at 30. I spent like $400 on my graphics card, which maxes out basically every game I play. You only need high specs for the very uninspired generic triple A games that get copy and pasted every year. I’m loving Balder’s Gate 3 right now without a million dollar rig.
Just want to point out that Baldurs Gate is also a triple A game, they have 400+ people working on it. There are also many amazing triple A games out there, like Cyberpunk
Budget wise it is. There’s definitely great triple A games that come out that are an exception from the Far Crys and Call of Dutys. I was at least able to beat Cyberpunk on my budget with medium settings. But as a consumer, stuff like ray tracing is just a gimmick that adds absolutely nothing for me lol. It’s just something people use to justify outrageous purchases imo.
is cyberpunk really that good now? I’m scarred after the botched launch
Yea it’s great, the game has been stable for a long time now and the latest DLC is the cherry on top
2.0 release alone is worth it, sunk another 40 hours in recently. Id say thats a fair value for my dollar, x years later.
To be fair if they were spending a little less on a less expensive graphics card they probably still couldn’t afford to move out but they might have a bit of a nest egg to buy groceries or something in case shit gets even worse.
“Don’t worry, it will…”
Never figured out the ending there, but thats what I tell myself.
It might sound cliché, but if this is you, have you tried doing… anything else? If this clearly isn’t doing it for you?
As someone else mentioned, there’s more you can do with a PC than play games, it can be creative or expanding ones own knowledge about computing. Or so something else entirely, I love sitting at my computer for hours doing whatever but sometimes just need to get out and enjoy nature for a bit. Gaming is a nice hobby, especially if you have games or a game that you really enjoy but it’s not exactly meaningful or fulfilling. Treat it like watching TV.
Obviously, none of this guarantees success but continuing to do what doesn’t make you happy guarantees failure.
Going out into nature, walking next to a river, or just hanging out in a part is underrated. It’s nice.
It’s mostly about not always doing the same thing because… well… we get bored of it. If we were walking next to the river every day, it’d get boring and mundane. If we went bungee jumping every day, same thing. Why is gaming different?
Just have some variance in life, and don’t always feel like you “have to” enjoy something because you did in the past. Chances are you would like to do something else for a little bit. I can certainly say that doing other things like hanging out in nature, or with friends, or other various fun stuff (may or may not include others), has made playing games more fun again too.
Sounds like you have capital D Depression.
Gaming and building a new sick PC is very very very fun. If you aren’t having fun engaging with something inherently fun that you used to enjoy, you’re more than likely experiencing clinical depression. Anti-depressants suck. Do your shadow work and find the cause of your depression, then crush it with all your might and focus on the positive side of life. Your hobbies may not come back to you, or they might. Whatever happens, your life will improve over time.
Antidepressants are one of the better things to happen in my life, I wouldn’t say they outright suck, personally. If you need that boost to get to a better place, that’s okay. Either way, speak with a therapist.
My antidepressant also helps my ADHD. I have no intention of going off of my Welbutrin anytime soon. It’s one of my essential medications.
I’m with you on that, it helps some parts that stimulants don’t do anything for
Being on the right antidepressant is the opposite of sucking. It can be revaltory.
Do your shadow work and find the cause of your depression, then crush it with all your might and focus on the positive side of life.
This is kind of just a fancy way of saying “just think and feel better.” I can identify the cause of my depression: I was born full of whatever was in 80s cigarettes and then abused and neglected for 20 years. I need my supplements and medications to get me to a state that allows me to do the work. But no amount of work will undo the fact that I was born with next to zero capacity to produce melatonin or control dopamine. I can’t just put my mind to it and insert a bunch of essential formative experiences and life skills into my childhood. It’s taken me more than a decade of personal research, hard work, professional intervention, and medication to get to where I am today: only sometimes depressed.
If you’re dealing with mental health issues, don’t dismiss any treatment options. They’re out there being offered because someone is benefitting from them. You could too.
No it’s not a fancy way of saying “think and feel better”.
It’s a years long journey of self-discovery potentially including CBT. It’s revelatory in its simplicity and is grounding for people who are considering more destructive forms of coping.
Some people really do not respond well to SSRIs. They can have the desired effect, at the cost of other QOL. Obviously speak to a real doctor before believing anybody on Lemmy. Myself included. I guess experiential discussions are only valid if the experience fits the groupthink.
You said “Anti-depressants suck.” You didn’t say “many people, myself included, have had negative experiences with SSRIs.” You didn’t say “find a professional to help you with therapy.” You said “Do your shadow work.” I responded to what you said, not what you thought and didn’t communicate.
I responded terribly to SSRIs. That was the worst five months or so of my adult life. It was terrible. Bupropion, the antidepressant I take, is not an SSRI. There are multiple other categories of antidepressant, and they are all essential to different target audiences.
And CBT also isn’t universal. Most people with CPTSD need a deeper level of metaprogramming. A close friend of mine just got transferred from her psyche doing CBT to someone specializing in EMDR for CPTSD because CBT doesn’t work as well when truama is that pervasive. The body keeps the score and must be retrained along with the mind. I’m glad CBT works for you and so many others. It’s an amazing tool. So are antidepressants and other forms of therapy. None of them suck. All of them are very important. Seeing the value in a variety of treatment options isn’t “groupthink.” It’s sound science and good medicine.
You could try hentai games. Some are very demanding in hardware, of course i wouldnt know because im a good christian boy.
I am not interested in this type of games ,but I like to watch hentai. Recently I watched kissXsis
Or try modding skyrim with watherver you whant, theres specially porn mods for it.
I don’t like skyrim, but modding S.T.A.L.K.E.R was something I enjoyed.
Cheeki breeki iv damke!
Ever since I started drawing with my XP Pen display, it feels more worth it
Download automatic1111 and create AI art. You’ll get used to the haters quickly and then you have a hobby that requires a good PC and is fun. Civitai has so many models and stuff you can try. You can even share your creations there with others or train your own model. Depending on your skills you can even get a good job opportunity in that field in near future, as AI is the new big shit. You could look into LLM too if your more into AI chat. Also there’s AI supported coding tools, which is going to be another great tool on the belt of every future dev.
You can do all of this for significantly cheaper and faster by simply renting cloud computing.
Could also learn 3d and kill your computer rendering sweet stuff
I started with hentai, got bored and just make sad anime girls. Oddly therapeutic.
Yikes. Go make something.
