I transitioned ages ago and I’m recently out of a long term relationship. I’ve been trying to get back into dating, but even when I specify “masc for masc” all of the gay guys I meet are too feminine for my taste. I’ve been feeling a bit doomed, even sometimes questioning if I should have transitioned in the first place because it would be so easy to find an ideal partner if I hadn’t, but the idea of being anyone but my true self is preposterous. Can any other guys relate to this? Any dating tips or specific dating app recommendations?
USA if it helps.
Dating can just be rough, especially if you have specific criteria for a partner. I’d say just keep looking and try to remember that you don’t need a partner. Sometimes it can suck being alone, but you need to learn to embrace those moments as well. Focus on being a happy you, and eventually you’ll meet someone. Get involved in activities; find a hobby and then find a group that engages in that hobby. Don’t rely entirely on online dating services, and if you are using them, don’t be afraid to be explicit and specific with what you are looking for. It will bring the match rate way, way down, but better that than wasting your own time with people that wouldn’t work out.
To add to this, make more friends. That can help fill the loneliness void.
Have you tried dating bi men?
I think that would be ideal, but I’m not sure how to find them.
You’re in luck, hello!
Jokes aside, I had more luck on OKC than Grindr. FWIW bi dudes can still be fruity, case in point again, hello, but as someone who also finds incredibly flamboyant men a little grating to date, I think you might have better luck.
Tried OKC and had zero luck. I’m scared of Grindr - I don’t do hookups so it doesn’t seem like a good fit. But if you’re a Cis guy, hmu 😂
Grindr can be a little intimidating, I hear ya, but yah, it’s not really great for finding long term dating relationships versus short flings and hookups. I’m seeing someone, but I’m always happy to make new friends if ya wanna send me a chat!
OKC was horrible for me to find a partner.
Somehow every man I’ve dated is more fem than me, I’m fairly androgynous in presentation and manner. And same, I will specify I’m only interested in masculine folk, only to have some very feminine people reach out. I sometimes suspect people think “I have a penis, so I’m masculine”, and stop thinking there.
Online dating also seems to have fallen into a dumpster a few years ago. Everyone hates this advice, especially me, but it’s worth it to engage with people in the hobbies you’re interested in.
I’m straight so not exactly the same situation but I recommend that you don’t let it take too much of your mental energy and do things that make you happy in the meantime. If you keep looking the odds are that you’ll find someone eventually, just takes time.
Can relate to the idea that it would be easier not being trans. It makes dating a lot more complicated to navigate and I’ve struggled with the idea that being trans makes me less desirable and attractive. Doesn’t help that I’m really bad at picking up if someone’s flirting with me and feel guilty if I do think that and what if she’s just being friendly. Ultimately I realized that the right person isn’t gonna care that I’m trans and will love me for my full self.
this is kinda funny bc i thought it was gonna be “i’m only into men who are into women”
i guess that’s only a problem i have, though
