I’ve been on a slow but steady decline for the past several years. I don’t move at all, barely leaving my room let alone the house; I’ve taken to eating shit I order out instead of cooking meals myself; I don’t get involved with any local orgs besides sending dues every month; I haven’t read a book in months; I regularly fail to perform bare minimum hygiene. The only reason I’m able to keep alive at all is because I haven’t moved out of my parents’ house, burdening them with helping me. It would be understandable if I was living hand to mouth and had barely any free time, but I am one of the small percent of burgers who isn’t a month away from destitution and I have more than enough free time. Not to mention I receive no shortage of help.
Since I can’t blame my material circumstances, I can only conclude that I am this way because I always refuse to take personal responsibility. I know that changing myself so that I can be, at bare minimum, not a drain on society is going to take a lot of work, work that I always put off due to cowardice. Idealist as it is, I feel like I have some innate metaphysical trait that makes me this way, and the entirety of my failure to pick myself up is due to a moral failing on my part and nothing more.
How do I force myself to unfuck myself so that I can actually be useful for revolution instead of yet another useless first world lotus eater?
Part of the issue is getting myself to actually exercise, along with any other form of self care. It’s like something in the back of my mind paralyzes me whenever I consider doing something I know will make me feel better.
Interestingly enough, several years ago, when my self loathing was even stronger than it is now to the point I would basically be shouting at myself in my head most of the time, I managed to exercise pretty regularly.
Start extremely small. And I mean extremely. You can find motivation to do five push ups today, 100%. It might suck, but you can do it.
After you’ve accomplished those you’re not allowed to feel like “I could’ve done more, that was nothing”. You’re the fucking hero of today. What an accomplishment.
Tomorrow you do another five, repeat that for a week if you can, perhaps even a month. Some day you might feel like “eh, I can do 10 today”. Then you do that. If not, you don’t.
After a while you might feel like “Maybe I can do a very short slow walk today”. Then you do that. And if that never happens, you don’t. But perhaps instead you feel like “damn, I’m a person who have done push ups every day for 10 days. That person can akso brush his/her teeth every night”. Then you do that.
Perhaps you feel like that person can have a genuine conversation with their parents for five minutes listening to their day. Now you’re suddenly that person as well. You know what more that person does? Helps out with cooking once a week.
Small good habits, that you credit yourself for, can help build other great habits. And even if they don’t, and you just manage to do those 5 push ups a day. Well, that person beats one who doesn’t!
Edit: Push ups can be substituted for basically anything. Sit ups, burpees, talking a short walk inside your room, meditating, you name it. Anything that’s quick, and “good” for you. That you need to push yourself to do.
Are you much of a gamer? Because playing Ring Fit Adventure is the only exercise I do most days. I absolutely don’t have the willpower or know-how to invent an exercise routine and stick to it so gamifying fitness helps me stay active. The completionist drive in me is stronger than all my other impulses I think. Plus, being able to work out alone in the basement at 3am is convenient. The Wii Fit games are good too and I believe cheaper.
I hate gyms, I hate having to travel anywhere for a workout I highly recommend full body exercises, calisthenics, and a good run.
I say this because you can do it right outside your door, no excuses don’t have to travel anywhere.
One thing I’ve found that’s helped me work out more regularly is picking up a sport or activity you actually like on its own merits. Rock climbing, basketball, soccer, etc. Find a place to do that, then it itself is exercise, and you’ll find it easier to just go for a run or lift weights because you tell yourself it’s to get better at the thing you like.
Rock climbing is great because you are constantly doing stuff that is slightly harder than you think you can do. It doesn’t matter what other people are doing, but they are also there for you to learn from.