I’m sorry you’re feeling this way about your transition and the results. It’s really common to have periods of dysphoria as you move through your journey, and you’re still very early in it. You won’t get the full effect for about 3-5 years, and some people say they still see effects past this point.

As far as your dosage and levels, they sound like they are in a good place. Doing 2mg/3x day is definitely a good thing to try! Having your hormone levels more consistent should help. You can also try using patches instead of pills (if you’re able to switch). Patches have the most consistent release, with less of the peaks and troughs you get with pills or injections (which could be another way to go, if you’re ok with needles).

For your weight, 180-200 is completely ok, especially if you’re taller! What matters is your blood levels, and if you’re at 180 and 12, you are showing good T suppression, and your E levels are solid. Lots of trans girls are taller and bigger than the averagecis girl - I was 5’11" and about 180 when I transitioned, and I had good effects from HRT. I had a similar hormone regimen, and I changed from twice a day to three times during my second year before changing to injections my third year. How I look post year three is super different! You aren’t anywhere near done yet.

Finally, it takes a long time for girls to figure out their clothes, hair, and makeup. Give yourself time to figure it out, and remember that we are often your own worst critics. You are valid and loved no matter how you look.