I’m drowning. I have tried Ritalin and for like three four days I really thought it was helping then out of the blue no effect or very limited effect. I’m behind at work very behind and scared and frustrated and feel like I can’t change anything and work sucks. It’s boring most of the time and incredibly stressful with me having no power or ability to change things. I’m on my third therapist this year and second psych. The problem is me. I know I’m the problem and I am trying and people are like you must be trying your best that’s all you can do. And I am trying my best and it’s not even close to enough. It’s not enough to make it through a day and I bounce between wanting to sleep and wanting to cry. I’m really fucking up my job and not able to course correct and no one seems to care but they are going to when it’s time for results.

Time disappears for me. Two hours feels like 15 minutes and I am not doing anything but doom scrolling or dicking around, 15 minutes feels like an eternity and I feel like I am going insane not being able to tell how much time is passing. And the thing is there is nothing that can be done differently than what I am doing (seeking help) and I just can’t find the right meds.

I sincerely hope everyone is doing much better than I am. I hope people have safe travels, holidays and enjoy their week.