Check it: colons are incredibly useful for introducing new ideas or adding emphasis. And the way people talk on the internet could use significantly more clarity: you can ramble and ramble, and just talk about whatever, expand on your point, really beat that dead horse, and then take a short break. But using colons allows you to introduce an important new idea: they provide a clear separation between different thoughts.
Oh yeah, about the colon as intestinal organ: idk…stay away from Taco Bell unless you have some extra time
My sophomore English teacher was out for a couple of weeks after having part of his colon removed. You bet your ass the get-well card was replete with semicolons.