Just venting a bit.
I expected that dysphoria will increase with more euphoria but not this fast. Before, I had dysphoria because of my presentation, fat distribution and chest but things that didn’t bother me at all started to feel wrong and I just want to get rid of them. This mainly includes body hair, genitals and facial hair.
I also need more euphoria. At this point I put on feminine clothes every time I go to the bathroom (it’s the only place where I have complete privacy). It seems like I’ll have to buy some women’s underwear to feel more comfortable (so far I only put on my mom’s clothes that is going to washing machine). I’m kinda scared to go and buy it myself, ordering online is pretty risky until I come out.
Dysphoria increased for me when I finally confronted I was trans. Women in general are under intense pressure to conform to femininity and certain gender norms, so all that internalized sexism seemed to act like gasoline to my dysphoria, turning it from a fire to a conflagration.