I don’t mind the hairs growing inside my ears - it’s those sneaky fuckers growing on the backs of my ears that piss me off.

Speaking as an old dude, it’s absolutely astonishing how fast eyebrow hairs grow when you’re old. Like, a quarter of an inch a day and I’m not even joking. I trim mine every day and I still look like Thufir Hawat by dinnertime.

Take it … I don’t need it!

Undergrads: I get dumber, they stay the same age.

It’s understandable - how else can he get the media to focus on this sandwich problem?

What is your area? I’ve lived in about 20 US states, in cities and rural areas, and it’s always been 1 cop per vehicle.

He’s smoking you lol

The last time this country had a balanced budget it was Democrat.

Not even balanced - Clinton produced a surplus during his last couple of years in office. Had we continued on that path, we would now be debt-free as a nation, instead of in debt to the tune of $35 fucking trillion (equivalent to a full seven years of tax revenues).

George S. Washington

Do people really put the veggies underneath the cheese and the meat? Have I been sandwiching wrong my whole life?

You’re thinking of cop shows from the '70s and '80s, not reality.

I don’t want to be the guy defending Hitler or Jeffery Dahmer, but

I’m a school bus driver and I regularly get infuriated by people who drive past me when I have my red flashers on and stop sign out, wishing there was a cop around. Only once so far have I gotten my wish … and unfortunately it was the cop driving past me at 40 mph just as some of my kids were about to cross the road. I looked down and saw him with his phone in his right hand and his left hand on the wheel, not paying the slightest attention to what was in front of him.

I’m lucky he didn’t run over any kids, because I probably would have gotten shot.

They make money by taking your money up front and then paying you back as little as possible at a later date.

That’s not entirely the case. Typically, there is a lag (of a few years) between the payment of premiums and the paying out of claims. Insurance companies invest the premiums in the meantime and profit off the interest/gains from these investments (called the “float”). Well-run (and well-invested) insurers can actually collect less in premiums than they pay out in claims and still be profitable.

Apartment buildings are built with thin walls so you are not safe even within your own home.

Pshaw. Next you’ll be claiming that our phones are built to listen to our conversations.

I have the bad habit of maintaining eye contact and nodding my head out of politeness while people are talking, pretty much regardless of what kind of batshit crazy stuff they’re saying. It’s astonishing what people end up thinking I agree with. I try to force myself to stare off into the distance and keep my head fixed, but some people even take that as agreement and a sign that they should keep talking and talking and talking.

Apparently, jury nullification nullification is also a thing.

Birds originally did have teeth. Beaks are thought to have replaced teeth because they serve the same purpose but are much lighter, and more importantly because they develop faster than teeth. Birds considerably predate grasses (which are what grains are).

What happens when someone finally pulls down the pants of the bully; humiliates him in a crowd of people? That’s right. His followers, that group of laughing Hyenas that follow him around, start to ditch.

You’re describing '80s movies here. In reality, the bullies mostly just go off to college and get great jobs in finance. Or become cops in LA - which is what my personal high school bully did.

all the bureaucrats in Pensacola had to share the Y with the uptown gays

So, I was friends with a lot of the gay community in Shreveport. Let’s just say that I don’t think the fat old white racist servants of the justice system in Louisiana had any problem sharing the Y with the gays. I was strongly advised to avoid the steam room there.