Thank fucking Christ he’s old and will be dead soon. That’s all I’m holding onto right now.

Well I haven’t experienced this level of disappointment since childhood.

Well that’s enough internet for me today.

There’s no goddamn way anyone let them on an international flight without a valid US passport.

Why in the hell is it always toilet paper?

That’s a fair assessment. However, I personally, am at my limit of awful things I’m able to carry around with me currently. Best I can muster is a “fuck this silly hat wearing asshole” at present.

Ah well good thing I don’t particularly give a shit what some guy in an (admittedly) awesome party hat thinks about me, as a vagina owner.

I refer to him as, “Voldemort lookin’ motherfucker”

Honestly, they’ve become my uniform. Comfort - ✔️ Full range of motion - ✔️ Full coverage - ✔️

High waist compression leggings are my go-to. Even when I’m cycling you can’t see the top of whatever underwear I chose to wear that day.

I make things in my spare time so I don’t tell people to go to hell during my work time. These things are not quite the same.

I didn’t realize Siri and the cats were conspiring. Yesterday I went into the living room to investigate a ruckus and found one of my cats sitting on the couch while the home pod in the window sill was playing Mumford and Sons.

I offset the gains from my one cup of coffee by chasing it with a sugar free Monster. Balance.

That, uh, was definitely a hard ‘r’ there. Jesus Christ.

I suspect this is similar to how someone is going to find my carcass.

Well. The administration would be consistently brain wormy I guess.

It’s captivating, really. I can’t stop looking at it.

It’s a lot like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

I regret to inform them that that’s not how that works.

Yeah, I’m keeping that.