I have no love for Taylor Swift. I understand she has a cult following and has recently become star of the NFL. Her name is Swift, she must be fast. I will admit to getting caught up in a personal car singalong of ‘Shake it Off’ on a bad day. Haters are gonna hate, just like haters hate her private plane travels.

But! If I had a ton of rabid fans and right wing haters, and the ability to pay extra to travel SAFELY, I would probably pay extra to travel safely.

Here me out: Whereever she goes requires a SHITTON of public funds to police and security. Rabid fans watch where she goes and follow her everywhere. I understand her new boyfriend had to actually move to a new home because her fans camped out around his house and tapped on his windows in hopes to just SEE her. And this doesn’t even include right wing nuts who think she is a witch for believing vaccines work.

I am not saying she is a saint, but holy hell, I do not blame her for sticking to airports to ensure her own safety and to avoid being a drain on public funds that require extra police presence against a rabid media following her escorts thru cities.

.06 mm - Obvious, really

Add some mustard and hard boiled egg… I’d shank a bitch and lick my fingers after. Tangy AND delicious.

Good one! Will tell this to my kid over breakfast and look forward to him repeating 38 times by dinner :)

An even BETTER comeback! ‘Does your wife charge you extra for that sort of thing? Or was that what was renegotiated in the last prenup?’

I would vote for any female that met him on a debate stage and dropped references to 1) his mushroom dick 2) his tiny hands and 3) the fact that he had to pay hookers to touch his mushroom dick and keep quiet about it.

He would call her any sort of horrible names names on stage and her comeback would be ‘don’t you pay $200,000 extra for that?’

The meltdown would be glorious.

When the GOP is being blackmailed into submission by an orange flaming dotard, their only option is to submit or quit.

As a mom of a special needs daughter, I fear for what he and the GOP have planned for my child’s and my basic human rights. I know they think I’m vermin. I cannot fathom what future they think my child should have.

Takes one to know one, I guess

Shout out to Super Mario Wonder! Playing 2-player games with my 7 year old son is hell. Thank you Nintendo for allowing him to play as Yoshi while my character rides around on Yoshi’s back. He can now run around like a drunken lunatic without my character having to be annoyingly rerouted via Glenda Bubble. Makes playing together a much more pleasant experience.

https://youtu.be/WKglzI7oiJM?feature=shared

I just want the magic oven that spits out a fully decorated cake.

Shout ‘Swiper, No Swiping!’ three times in a row so he snaps his fingers and says ‘Aww, man!’.

It’s just a platypus…

Platypus put on fedora

PERRY the Platypus!!

Glory to Master Kogha!!

deleted by creator

deleted by creator

The Final Countdown! Ba da da dah! Ba da da da dah! Ba da da dah! Ba da da da dah da dahhhh! It’s not a trick Micheal, it’s an illusion. Tricks are what whores do for money.

Oh I know this one! Francis Scott Key was the badass sitting in jail watching the battle from his cell window and wrote it as the world exploded around him.

(Thank you Jimmy Williams of the 4th grade who got me into detention - teacher made me write an essay on Francis Scott Key. Jimmy thought it was funny, little did he know of the 2 Lemmy points I would eventually get for my endeavors 30 years later - oh ho ho - who is laughing now, Jimmy!?!)

Pretty sure those old timer GOPers are just afraid of people who read and understand art because they are barely literate and slightly insane from lead poisoning. That 5G and it’s Wuhan Virus… (angrily shakes arthritic fist)… will get you every time.

Gotta put Wesley’s face on the car dealer, though.

My fear is that ‘my friend, the author’ won’t be describing me in friendly terms, but in a horribly honest way, detailing bad habits I was previously oblivious to.