I’m about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I’ve told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.
Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I’ve heard stuff like “Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don’t take leave”.
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn’t taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.
I’m in the US so I know it’s a “strange” concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn’t affect at all. Again, it’s a state program available to almost anyone who’s worked in the past 2 years, I’ve talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that’s it.
I feel like I’m missing something.
People who brag about going to work deserve to die at their desks. Godspeed taking care of your newborn and your spouse.
Men who brag how little time they spend with their kids shouldn’t be having kids.
My company offers parental leave (generic, not gender-specific, and applies to adoptions as well as giving birth). Everyone I work with expects people—men included—to take it.
A guy on my team took his a couple years ago and now with his second child recently born, he is applying his lesson learned. Instead of taking the time as soon as his kid is born, overlapping time off with his wife, he’s letting his wife take her full time then he’s taking his. That way they stagger the full-time care of the newborn for about 6 months straight, after which his wife will be done teaching for the summer, meaning more like 8 months straight.
Another coworker (Director level) had his latest kid December before last. Our busy time is January to April, so he delayed and took his time off in May or June.
Fuck companies that don’t support it and the small-minded people who think men shouldn’t take it. I can understand how challenging it can be for a small business to support that kind of leave, but as humans we should care more about supporting the next generation than a couple hits to productivity at work for 2-3 months. (I write as a permanently child-free person.)
What you’re missing is that the people you work with are stuck in the mindset from 2 generations ago. Don’t buy in. Taking your leave IS supporting your family; you’re doing it right.
When I’m on my deathbed, I’m absolutely sure I won’t be thinking about work.
I’m not a psychologist or whatever to say how long but the dad should get as much leave as the mother does to help deal with all the new baby shit and bond with the child.
You should take all the time you can get. Fuck other people’s expectations.
Those 12 weeks will be no walk in the park. You rightfully state you’ll be taking care of everyone, and it’s 24/7 juggling new dynamics and a whole new human being’s needs.
Yes, people survive with less time or no time off at all. I’m convinced some brag about it like some badge of honor to make themselves feel better.
Thank you for being considerate of your family’s needs. Good luck!
So basically, the choice is to spend 12 weeks with those idiots or with your baby? Seems like a no brainer to me.
People are idiots. Why would you give up a benefit you’re legally entitled to? Nobody is going to as much as thank you for that.
In the US fathers don’t have any legal right to take time off from work. It’s expected that you would miss at most a few days for the hospital visit.
Fathers don’t have a lot of legal rights there, don’t they (“There” as in USA)
My manager is on paternaty leave for half a year, it is normal here, he is a dad after all!
In the U.S. we’re taught to brag about how much we’re exploited, as if it’s a virtue.
It’s a very sick culture.
I’m all for paternity leave, but there is a conflict between taking time off to take care of your newborn, and taking time off to breathe.
Newborns aren’t exactly a vacation.
I WISH my husband had been able to take time off. Those first few weeks of sleep deprivation are fucking ROUGH on your own. I think you did the right thing and that the child is going to get dramatically better care because his parents are actually sonewhat rested.
Come to the EU, noone will scoff at paternity leave here. On the contrary, colleagues will congratulate you for procreating lol
Take the paternity leave with pride
What you’re missing is some men legitimately hate their wives and children and dislike spending time with them. Others drank the coolaid of American capitalist propaganda. Your child will only be a newborn once and your wife will need the help. If anything you should be normalizing it by telling all your friends and colleagues how great it is and how happy you are to get to spend that time with your family. Never shut up about how awesome it is. Expound at length about the many benefits you personally enjoyed thanks to your time with your new child. Every man you convince makes the world a better place.
When I was born my dad worked for himself, he was never home and I can remember running away from him crying cause my mum was leaving the house. He found permanent employment by the time I was 2 because of this.
These men are fuckwits and will wonder why they don’t have or struggle to form a relationship with their children in later life.
If you hate her why would you marry or have kids with her? Its completely optional to have a wife or child.
I guess because people fall in and out of love, which is natural, so they start a family and later everything changes. Also because people’s personality changes with time and because they tend to conform to social expectations.
Social pressure. “When are you getting married? When are you having kids?”
For some people, that’s enough to push them into doing it.
