Whenever I’m out in public with my friends, if a woman passes by, they always feel compelled to say whether or not “would bang”. They make it out like I’m the weird one for not doing this.

  • 小莱卡@lemmygrad.ml
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    33
    ·
    edit-2
    5 months ago

    Pretty common and has been for a long time ( at least since the patriarchy ), it used to be even harrassment when wolf-whistling and similar practices were more common. As women rights have progressed, these practices have been replaced by these whispers between friends. Still the people that do these things are pretty much telling you that they only think about sex.

  • albigu@lemmygrad.ml
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    26
    ·
    edit-2
    5 months ago

    “Normal”? Sadly yes with men.

    Still gross as fuck. Feel validated, and if you can try to make them feel like the weird ones.

  • Tovarish Tomato@lemmygrad.ml
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    23
    ·
    5 months ago

    Yeah I have friends like that. It seems to be normalized in the among the more reactionary friends of mine, while the more progressive ones (as in some radlib tendencies) seem to be more crticial of such behavior although it still happens, albeit less frequently. It always makes me really uncomfortable.

  • Valbrandur@lemmygrad.ml
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    23
    ·
    edit-2
    5 months ago

    These answers are pretty surprising to me. I don’t know where do you all live nor what kind of people do you get yourselves involved with (and frankly, I don’t want to know), but I’m honestly glad that I can’t relate to this.

  • culpritus [any]@hexbear.net
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    20
    ·
    5 months ago

    Due to living under patriarchy, this is not uncommon even though it sucks. Not sure how best to confront/diffuse it, but maybe mocking the behavior somehow would get the point across.

    I’m not friends with your dick, so I don’t care about its preferences. Next time someone tells me ‘would bang’ I am kicking you in the balls as a form of negative reinforcement behavior modification.

  • lorty@lemmygrad.ml
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    15
    ·
    5 months ago

    Nope. Even when I was a teen we just looked and were happy with it. I have one friend that comments on instagram girls but we mostly don’t care to label them into “would bang” or “would not bang”.

  • porcupine@lemmygrad.ml
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    13
    ·
    5 months ago

    “Is street harassment normal?” and “Is street harassment good?” are two very different questions.

  • CatrachoPalestino@lemmygrad.ml
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    2
    arrow-down
    18
    ·
    5 months ago

    yeah its pretty normal. not sure why americans are all such puritans that the idea of talking to your friends about who you’re attracted to is abnormal

    • Valbrandur@lemmygrad.ml
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      26
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      5 months ago

      Please don’t paint all of us non-Americans as creeps. To get weirded out if you are casually walking down the street and a friend of yours by your side tells you “I’d totally bang that one” when a random woman that none of you two has ever seen before passes by is not to be a puritan: it’s to be a normal human being with a minimum sense of what is socially appropriate and what it isn’t.

      • CatrachoPalestino@lemmygrad.ml
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        2
        arrow-down
        16
        ·
        5 months ago

        I don’t understand whats creepy about it. is it socially inappropriate because you’re talking about sex or inappropriate because you’re talking about being attracted to someone?

        • JuryNullification [he/him]@hexbear.net
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          23
          ·
          edit-2
          5 months ago

          It’s objectification. You are reducing another human being into an object whose only characteristic is whether or not you’d fuck them.

          Commenting on someone’s fashion choices, how they’ve styled their hair, how they’ve chosen to present themselves, etc is normally not objectifying, as those are choices that person made. Saying, “that person is pretty/handsome/beautiful” is closer to objectifying but is more dependent on the rest of the context. But saying “I’d fuck her” is objectification.

          This isn’t Puritanism, it’s about seeing other human beings as human beings and not a hole to fuck.

          • CatrachoPalestino@lemmygrad.ml
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            4
            arrow-down
            11
            ·
            5 months ago

            part of being a human being is having a physical body which will have features people like and another part of being a human being is having a libido and being interested in other people. the hard barrier you make going from “that person is pretty” (we can rephrase this to be “that person has overall features I consider attractive and possibly I find myself attracted to them”) and “I’d fuck her” (that person has overall features I consider attractive and I find myself so attracted to them to the point I would have sex with them if given the opportunity) is in fact not a line going from not objectifiying to objectifiying but a natural continuation of the feeling and logic. the only real difference is the level of respect being given since “I’d fuck her” is a much less respectful phrase and the fact sex is being talked about which is why this ties into “puritan culture”

        • Soviet Pigeon@lemmygrad.ml
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          9
          ·
          5 months ago

          In my experience, the wording is not “I am attracted to this person”, it is rather done in a more degrading way. It is ok to say to your friend, that you are attracted to someone. But it can get quite annoying if a person starts rating every other person. I can somehow understand this behaviour if someone is experiencing puberty. Hormones are a hell of a thing.

          It gets far more inappropriate if it is done in a political context. Likey being part of an organisation/party and some comrades are behaving like they are on Tinder.

          Op should simply tell their friends, that they should stop doing it if it is a problem.

        • bigboopballs [he/him]@hexbear.net
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          16
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          edit-2
          5 months ago

          well stop being “crass, blunt, and not polite” and objectifying women, and people will stop calling you a fuckin dork

          • CatrachoPalestino@lemmygrad.ml
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            2
            arrow-down
            10
            ·
            5 months ago

            nobody calls me a dork and I talk with my friends in such a way and vice versa all the time lol. its quite perflexing to me its such a huge issue to you guys

            • Valbrandur@lemmygrad.ml
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              15
              arrow-down
              1
              ·
              5 months ago

              Neither you nor your friends sound neither like very pleasant people to be around. That kind of behaviour would be unacceptable within any mildly decent communist party, and seeing the replies you are getting, I am glad to see that it is the case here too.