It’s strange but listening again to music from about 20 years ago, during a time when I was mostly sad and depressed, and where the musical choices reflected that, gives me a weird sense of nostalgia and longing for that time.
I know it’s not unusual for music to do that, that’s just run of the mill, it’s just odd that, it has me longing for a time and associated mood that, on the whole, I kind of didn’t really enjoy very much. The angsty tracks were what I listened to because I was so bummed out and dissatisfied.
The experience of nostalgia I understand is bittersweet and often melancholy. I guess what I’m finding strange is that normally one experiences nostalgia for something they’d actually like to be able to return to, and that usually means something that they actually liked, a previous happiness. Weirdly I seem to be pining for a particular way I felt that actually, sucked at the time. It’s weird. I know what you mean about it being best not to dwell but it’s such a powerful draw, it’s like I’m swimming around the edges of a vortex.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade
I recently heard of a type of it called Solastalgia which is a distress for something going away that you had nostalgia for. I wish niche words like these got more use