ACWORTH, GA—In an effort to prepare for a “devastating” outcome, terrified conservative Clayton Hawkins told reporters Wednesday that he was planning to move to 1930s Austria if Donald Trump lost the presidential election. “I swear to god, if Kamala Harris wins in November, you can bet I’m getting a one-way ticket to Vienna circa 1937,” said Hawkins, explaining that, under the worst case scenario in which Democrats remained in control of the White House, the Austrofascist state would provide sanctuary to him and others who feared for the safety of their pure Aryan families. “I know I may sound paranoid, but the fact of the matter is that relocating to a mid-century autocratic one-party state is the only way to ensure that my fellow citizens are violently suppressed for failing to conform to a strict set of oppressive dictates.” At press time, a tearful Hawkins sobbed while imagining his sons growing up in a place and time where they were considered equal to another race or gender.
  • Diplomjodler@lemmy.worldEnglish
    651·
    4 months ago

    And in case your time machine isn’t working, present day Russia should do just fine. I also hear they have loads of job opportunities there.

    • Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      9·
      4 months ago

      So many of these Trump fans were alive during the cold War yet actually do somehow think Russia is doing things right currently despite their current practices being the antithesis of traditional American values that the GOP claims to hold so dear. It’s mezmorizing.

      • Revan343@lemmy.caEnglish
        16·
        4 months ago

        The cold war was against communism; modern Russia is super capitalist and corrupt, which is what the right wing wants

      • psycho_driver@lemmy.worldEnglish
        3·
        4 months ago

        It’s Russia’s psy-ops being extremely fucking good at their job. I’m just glad they’re nowhere near as good at real war.

    • Aqarius@lemmy.worldEnglish
      2·
      4 months ago

      I like how you’re implying Trump would annex Russia to the greater American empire.

    • Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.worldEnglish
      61·
      4 months ago

      Weren’t they at war in the 1930s??? I mean not with other countries. This had nothing to do with WWII.

      They were fighting against emus…and LOSING. Yes, the bird, emus. Lost a war…to birds. Whose only tactic was “when they shoot at us, we RUN!”

        • Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.worldEnglish
          4·
          4 months ago

          Oh shit. I misread that.

          Well it’s Austrias fault. That would be like if Hawaii were named Camada and expect people will always read it as intended. Should just get their own damn name. Plus, Hitler came from Austria. They should have changed their name in 1946. Been like “Sorry guys, thats our bad.”